Have battled suicidal thoughts, depression: Robin Uthappa opens up on life and cricket
New Delhi: Robin Uthappa, a key member of the 2007 World T20 winning Indian team, has revealed that he battled clinical depression and suicidal thoughts for nearly two years during his career, a phase when cricket was perhaps the only thing that kept him from "jumping off a balcony".
The big-hitting top-order batsman, who represented India in 46 ODIs and 13 T20 Internationals, was picked by Rajasthan Royals for Rs 3 crore for this year's IPL, which is currently suspended because of the COVID-19 pandemic.
"I remember around 2009 to 2011, it was constant and I would deal with that on a daily basis. There were times where I wasn't even thinking about cricket, it was probably the farthest thing in my mind," he said during the Royal Rajasthan Foundation's live session 'Mind, Body and Soul'.
"I was thinking about how I would survive this day and move on to the next, what's happening to my life and in which direction am I heading. Cricket kept my mind off of these thoughts but it became really difficult on non-match days and during the off-season.
"On days, I would just be sitting there and would think to myself on the count of three, I'm going to run and jump off of the balcony but something kind of just held me back," he recalled.
It was at this stage that the 34-year-old began maintaining a diary before reaching out for professional help.
"...(I) started the process of just understanding myself as a person. I then started to seek outside help to make those changes I wanted to make in my life," he said.
This phase was followed by him not making the Indian team despite captaining India A in Australia and the Karnataka batsman said it was because he "was innately not happy with something."
"...for some reason there, no matter what I did or how hard I worked in the nets, I was just not able to score a run off my bat. I would spend hours in the nets to get it right but that would just not happen," he said.
"Some part of me was actually not willing to accept that I had a problem with myself...I think sometimes we don't accept the wrong and are unwilling to do so and it is really important to have the acknowledgement.
"The unwillingness to accept is the no one issue and especially for men, who find it difficult to accept their mental issues," he added. Uthappa subsequently had a great Ranji run in 2014-15 season, finishing as the national event's top run-getter.
He hasn't retired yet but neither has he played for India since 2015. Uthappa said he has no regrets about how he dealt with the lows of his life.
"I feel sometimes being negative is necessary. Being negative or having negative experiences, going through trials and tribulations is sometimes necessary for one's own growth," he asserted.
"...I have no regrets on my negative experience as they've helped me develop positively. You need to go through the lulls to make you feel ecstatic about the positives.
"I feel life is about balance and we can't have it one way, a lopsided life is not going to be great, both negative and positive experiences are essential," he said.
The soft-spoken Uthappa said cricket, as a sport, has changed drastically in the decade to be more competitive than ever.
"Cricket was a much more simple game ten years ago. It's very different and competitive now. It's fun along with being competitive, you know it comes with its positives and negatives.
"It's become hard to keep in touch with people from all around the world so it is challenging in that sense. Mentally, though, it's something that keeps you alive and keeps you sharp," he noted.
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Another North Goa nightclub sealed; Kejriwal says corruption led to fire tragedy
Panaji (PTI): As part of a crackdown against tourist establishments violating laws and safety norms in the aftermath of the Arpora fire tragedy, Goa authorities on Saturday sealed a renowned club at Vagator and revoked the fire department NOC of another club.
Cafe CO2 Goa, located on a cliff overlooking the Arabian Sea at Vagator beach in North Goa, was sealed. The move came two days after Goya Club, also in Vagator, was shut down for alleged violations of rules.
Elsewhere, campaigning for local body polls, AAP leader Arvind Kejriwal said the fire incident at Birch by Romeo Lane nightclub at Arpora, which claimed 25 lives on December 6, happened because the BJP government in the state was corrupt.
An inspection of Cafe CO2 Goa by a state government-appointed team revealed that the establishment, with a seating capacity of 250, did not possess a no-objection certificate (NOC) of the Fire and Emergency Services Department. The club, which sits atop Ozrant Cliff, also did not have structural stability, the team found.
The Fire and Emergency Services on Saturday also revoked the NOC issued to Diaz Pool Club and Bar at Anjuna as the fire extinguishers installed in the establishment were found to be inadequate, said divisional fire officer Shripad Gawas.
A notice was issued to Nitin Wadhwa, the partner of the club, he said in the order.
Campaigning at Chimbel village near Panaji in support of his party's Zilla Panchayat election candidate, Aam Aadmi Party leader Kejriwal said the nightclub fire at Arpora happened because of the "corruption of the Pramod Sawant-led state government."
"Why this fire incident happened? I read in the newspapers that the nightclub had no occupancy certificate, no building licence, no excise licence, no construction licence or trade licence. The entire club was illegal but still it was going on," he said.
"How could it go on? Couldn't Pramod Sawant or anyone else see it? I was told that hafta (bribe) was being paid," the former Delhi chief minister said.
A person can not work without bribing officials in the coastal state, Kejriwal said, alleging that officers, MLAs and even ministers are accepting bribes.
