Have battled suicidal thoughts, depression: Robin Uthappa opens up on life and cricket
New Delhi: Robin Uthappa, a key member of the 2007 World T20 winning Indian team, has revealed that he battled clinical depression and suicidal thoughts for nearly two years during his career, a phase when cricket was perhaps the only thing that kept him from "jumping off a balcony".
The big-hitting top-order batsman, who represented India in 46 ODIs and 13 T20 Internationals, was picked by Rajasthan Royals for Rs 3 crore for this year's IPL, which is currently suspended because of the COVID-19 pandemic.
"I remember around 2009 to 2011, it was constant and I would deal with that on a daily basis. There were times where I wasn't even thinking about cricket, it was probably the farthest thing in my mind," he said during the Royal Rajasthan Foundation's live session 'Mind, Body and Soul'.
"I was thinking about how I would survive this day and move on to the next, what's happening to my life and in which direction am I heading. Cricket kept my mind off of these thoughts but it became really difficult on non-match days and during the off-season.
"On days, I would just be sitting there and would think to myself on the count of three, I'm going to run and jump off of the balcony but something kind of just held me back," he recalled.
It was at this stage that the 34-year-old began maintaining a diary before reaching out for professional help.
"...(I) started the process of just understanding myself as a person. I then started to seek outside help to make those changes I wanted to make in my life," he said.
This phase was followed by him not making the Indian team despite captaining India A in Australia and the Karnataka batsman said it was because he "was innately not happy with something."
"...for some reason there, no matter what I did or how hard I worked in the nets, I was just not able to score a run off my bat. I would spend hours in the nets to get it right but that would just not happen," he said.
"Some part of me was actually not willing to accept that I had a problem with myself...I think sometimes we don't accept the wrong and are unwilling to do so and it is really important to have the acknowledgement.
"The unwillingness to accept is the no one issue and especially for men, who find it difficult to accept their mental issues," he added. Uthappa subsequently had a great Ranji run in 2014-15 season, finishing as the national event's top run-getter.
He hasn't retired yet but neither has he played for India since 2015. Uthappa said he has no regrets about how he dealt with the lows of his life.
"I feel sometimes being negative is necessary. Being negative or having negative experiences, going through trials and tribulations is sometimes necessary for one's own growth," he asserted.
"...I have no regrets on my negative experience as they've helped me develop positively. You need to go through the lulls to make you feel ecstatic about the positives.
"I feel life is about balance and we can't have it one way, a lopsided life is not going to be great, both negative and positive experiences are essential," he said.
The soft-spoken Uthappa said cricket, as a sport, has changed drastically in the decade to be more competitive than ever.
"Cricket was a much more simple game ten years ago. It's very different and competitive now. It's fun along with being competitive, you know it comes with its positives and negatives.
"It's become hard to keep in touch with people from all around the world so it is challenging in that sense. Mentally, though, it's something that keeps you alive and keeps you sharp," he noted.
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CM Siddaramaiah echoes Rahul’s views on ‘electoral fraud’, ‘voter list manipulation’
Bengaluru (PTI): Karnataka Chief Minister Siddaramaiah has echoed Congress leader Rahul Gandhi’s allegations of large-scale electoral misconduct by the BJP, accusing the ruling party at the Centre of manipulating voter lists and undermining democratic institutions, including the Election Commission of India.
In an interview with PTI Videos, Siddaramaiah said Rahul Gandhi was telling the truth when he alleged that genuine voters were being removed from electoral rolls while fake names were being added.
"Such things have happened in Maharashtra, Haryana, and Karnataka," he claimed and expressed his apprehension, "they are planning to do it in Bihar also".
The Chief Minister accused the BJP of mischief and alleged that this manipulation was happening across the country.
He came down heavily on the Election Commission, saying it is no longer functioning as an independent constitutional body.
"The Election Commission is working under the direction of the central government. It’s not independent. Election Commission has to function independently and fairly, but it is not doing so," the Chief Minister said.
Declaring that democracy is under threat, Siddaramaiah announced that the Congress would launch a nationwide campaign to expose these alleged irregularities and demand reforms to protect the integrity of the electoral process.
Siddaramaiah also reiterated the importance of conducting a nationwide caste census.
"Every state should start conducting the caste census. It should be socio-economic, educational, employment-based, and political. Because everybody should know, after independence, what is the status of an individual — economically, politically — and whether independence has reached everyone or not, whether equality has come or not," CM has insisted.
The purpose of the Constitution is to bring about change and remove inequality, he underlined.
He also clarified that he is not the convenor of the OBC advisory committee but only a member under Anil Jaihind’s leadership.
Regarding Karnataka’s own caste census, he said that authorities have been given a three-month time to complete the process and expressed hope that they will meet the deadline.
Regarding the alleged site allotment scam in Mysuru Urban Development Authority (MUDA), Siddaramaiah said, "It is a false case. They torture me, my wife, and my family unnecessarily. Though this does not come under the PMLA Act — there is no money laundering — unnecessarily, they harassed me and my family," he complained.
Welcoming the Supreme Court’s strong remarks, CM said, "It looks like the court has rightly said that if you want to do politics, do it in elections, not here. Not in this case, not through the ED. This is the warning of the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court to the BJP," Siddaramaiah said.
Speaking on the June 4 stadium stampede that killed 11 people, Siddaramaiah said the Cabinet has accepted the enquiry report submitted by retired High Court judge Justice Michael D’Cunha.
"Criminal cases have already been registered against the officials of Karnataka State Cricket Association (KSCA), Royal Challengers Bangalore (RCB) and DNA (the event management agency), apart from police personnel," he said.
"Additionally, an inquiry will be conducted against the police officers concerned," he added.
